Bundle Of Oy

No one cares about your baby, Heidi Klum

2005-09-14T15:13:00.000-07:00

Like we didn't see this coming, as I expected, Brit was too post to push.

One of the perks of potentially working on Michigan Avenue is shopping during dinner. I was in Nordstroms perusing Delman flats when I heard some girl take a call and loudly squealing "OMG, she had it already!"

I immediately knew what was up and hightailed it back to the newsroom to check the wires.

What Reuters said:

Representatives for Spears were not immediately available for comment on the report, which said the 23-year-old entertainer gave birth by Caesarean section shortly before 1 p.m. PDT (1700 GMT) at Santa Monica
UCLA Medical Center. Hospital officials declined to comment.

I bet the whole UCLA campus is on lockdown. How will they ever get to Kitson to buy the T-shirts I'm sure are there to announce the birth of the spawn?

Do you think they doped Federline too? Will Shar send a baby present?
Are lumps of coal just for Christmas?

Name TK, a'ight?

Most importantly, who do you think the kid will look like? I'm guessing a little wrinkly goateed ball emitting an odor of Starbucks and cigarettes.

Patiently awaiting,
Hils.

Oh, push it!

2005-06-29T21:31:00.000-07:00

Yay! Placenta!

So Brit has decided on having a super swanky birth because we all know she didn't break the bank on the wedding. (Chicken wing anyone?)

So she'll do her pushing in Scottsdale, a city that has become a favorite of hers and K-Fed (and sadly, my parents).

But really? Does anyone think she'll have a natural birth? A dear dear friend has introduced me to the "too posh to push" concept, and I think Brit is a prime candidate. C'mon, our ol' girl can't even be bothered to put shoes on to go to a public bathroom.

"Britney wants white and yellow roses in the room when she gets there," a source told the upcoming issue of the Star.

Whatev. If I ever get knocked up (ew), it's nothing but drugs, man. Maybe Brit will hide drugs in said flowers.

How about some names?

Sara writes in:
I think that Britney's mom will put her foot down and make Britney and Kevin name their kid something normal like Emma or John. But watch out for the middle names! I imagine those will be ridiculous!

Word.

Told ya so

2005-06-28T13:57:00.000-07:00

If it's reported on Nerve, it has to be true, right?

Well, everyone (including myself) is all abuzz that Brit may have pulled a DEMI and posed nekkid for Vanity Fair.

Hello? Did I not predict that months ago?

Maybe I should call Ms. Cleo. I heard she's hiring. ::insert Hilary doesn't have a job yet joke here::

More soon my sweets!

Backstreets Back OH YEAH

2005-05-31T19:41:00.000-07:00

I love you all.

Seriously, nothing makes a girl feel more loved than tons of e-mails, calls and personal reprimanding to post. I'm so sorry! As many of you know, I'm moving tomorrow so I've been swamped. But when did that ever become an excuse? Do you think Britney would stop babysitting Shar's kids when the new baby comes? Don't answer that.

Some updates:
* Apparently Ms. Reality TV queen herself ShaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrON! Osbourne has advised Brit about the show. I actually think the two ladies have more in common than meets the eye. Small dogs, penchant for religious jewels, drugged husbands and all the makings of an awesome Lifetime movie. On a related note, who would win in a fight: Brit or Kelly O?
* Our own K-Fed has been tooling (literally) around town in his new car, a top-of-the-range Ferrari sports car. I think it's kinda purple-ly in a shiny Barney sort of way. I really don't know what to say about that.
* I could write more about the show, but we all know it hasn't really gotten any better. What have we learned? Those krazy kids like to grope? Brit hates to fly? I can fall asleep easily when provoked?

But my favorite piece of news is that Brit has given her chihuahua Lucky the boot because "he didn't like Kevin." Better question Brit, who does?

Onto some names!

Old roommie Ally and her BF Tom have predicted:
Tom and I have decided that Lucy (Brit's character's name from
Crossroads movie) Curious (her perfume) will be the name he chooses for her spawn.

After years of life in captivity, Mizzou seniors Tom and Allyson are ready for their flight in the wild.

Shawn writes:
BritBrit and KFed will name their beautiful child Chester Cheetah
Federline ... after the mascot of BritBrit's favorite snack. After
years of munching on his namesake, Chester will be morbidly obese. Which is sad enough by itself. But to make things sadder still, Chester will be known as Chester the Molester after years of playing in his Neverland-style playground and inviting pre-teen boys over and well... you know the rest.

Chester will issue this statement before his trial:
"I never did anything wrong. I love children. I would never harm them."

Which will prompt jokes such as:
"How do you know when it's time to go to sleep in the Federline household?"
"When the big hand touches the little hand."

Even though he makes jokes about obesity and child molestation, Shawn really isn't that bad a guy — just ask him.

We get it. You were lonely and love starved.

2005-05-18T10:14:00.000-07:00

Yes Brit, I'm a Bitter Betty (tm) too. It's not because I'm so devastated about lacking a soul mate, but because I cannot get the hour of my life I wasted on your show back. I left SHOE SHOPPING early to come home and watch your train wreck. I expect a check in the mail made out to Nordstroms, OK?

For those of you who missed it, I can sum up the show easily. In one word in fact. Awful. Total proof that "home-video reality series" are not here to stay. When I was feeling nauseous over the poor camera work, I was really busy correcting Brit's grammar.

Thoughts:
1. One any given day at the large midwestern university I attended 200 girls (or more) looked better than '04 & '05 Brit.
2. I've never felt so positively about my own minor adult acne problems. Girl needs some soap.
3. Brit's entourage really seems to hate her.
4. K-Fed makes W look loquacious. He also really looks like a cobra.

In some ways I'm grateful that the show was so atrocious that instead of composing a longer post on it, I can go back to reading OC spoilers.

Because the show was so predictable, it only seems appropriate to publish Mandy's name suggestion. It's a gem!

Mandy posted: "Well, the more I think about it... her parents named her sister after them so her child will probably be Britney-Kevin Spears-Federline."

Shudder.

Rough and Dirty

2005-05-17T11:24:00.000-07:00

Forget the highly glamorized, beautifully edited (yeah, that was hard for me to write) styling of Newlyweds, Kevin and Britney: Chaotic promises to be just that. Rough footage paired with candid confessionals and poor lighting. Seriously, could the producers make this show sound any less appealing? But regardless, don't call me during the show tonight. After, however, is OK.

The goods aka "Can you handle my reality?":
Tonight
8 p.m. CDT
UPN (I didn't know they aired anything other than Blind Date. I once saw Roger Lodge on the El, BTW. He was wearing brown on brown. The shame!)

Tonight's show will be one-hour long, followed by three half-hour shows before the wedding finale (also an hour). The show will mainly consist of home video footage from the beginning on the relationship with recently recorded commentary. By next week I will have created the drinking game for the episode. Bottoms up is clearly "y'all."

In other news:

The South Florida Sun-Sentinel called K-Fed a "perennial skeeve" in print.

Jason Alexander has found a Britney replacement ... named Britney! The World Entertainment News Network had this quote from Hubby No. 1: "My new girlfriend's name is Britney, too. It's a strange coincidence. The difference between the two: she's a natural beauty, whereas Britney Spears has had a lot of cosmetic help." Yikes.

iAfrica.com headline "Britney 'lets herself go'" made me spit Diet Dr. Pepper all over the monitor at work earlier: "The pregnant singer has been seen wearing baggy tracksuits, no make-up and sporting an unbrushed, oily hairdo."

Today's name suggestion from the lovely Miss Holly is soooooooo hilarious and creative, I've been holding off on it. But now, your moment of Zen:

I'm thinking abstract, intangible things. Rhyme Trinity or Genesis Blue.

Maybe items that could pass for names that no one really knows the definition of anymore: Taffeta? Brindle?

Depending on Britney's/K-Fed's/the baby's birthday, an astrological sign such as Aries or Libra. (I don't think even Britney would go for "Cancer.")

Locations are out because Paris kinda ruined that. Though I could see her using London, or maybe the suspected location of conception: Vegas Spears?

Holly is a copy editor in Orlando, Fla., who got all these names from real Central Floridians while editing the birth announcements in her paper.

Sometimes, I don't believe this shit

2005-05-12T13:30:00.000-07:00

So, apparently some roughneck in Indiana wants to take credit for Britney's "Sometimes." He says he wrote it 15 years ago.

It's an opportunistic ploy on his part, and it's publicity for him, Brit, K-Fed, the baby, everyone involved. But hopefully this guy's mom will sit him down and tell him that the song he's fighting over is absolute shit. I mean, if he gets his money, he should go to school to learn to write better songs. Yuck.

Songwriter sues Spears over copyright

Moving on.

OK, today, I will do something different. Instead of pulling from the inbox, I'll pull the names from the facebook message board.

Amy writes: Porsche Angelica Spears-Federline

Amy didn't leave any info on herself, but I know that she used to call me "gopher humper" and she's got an Aerosmith tattoo on her back, in honor of the many of their concerts she's attended.

Jen writes: How about Donatella Puffy Cosabella Spears Federline

Jayne writes: I think the name will sound more skanky like Tammy Sue or Winona or Jamie Ray. They are trailer trash wannabes for sure.

Neither of these people left their info. I would call them "ladies," but as we've found out from these posts, you can easily pose to be something you are not.

Aight.

Seacrest out.

Home slices

2005-05-09T17:55:00.000-07:00

Eleven days until "Britney and Kevin: Chaotic" premieres. I will be glued to my tv with a can Mountain Dew and some chew. Wanna come over? I'd consider inviting Xtina, but I think she'd heckle and talk too much. She wouldn't even invite her old Mickey Mouse gal pal to her upcoming wedding! The nerve.

Who really cares about Bennifer version 2.0's fetus? Yawn. We sure don't.

My main concern -- you, my fair readers. I know I've been a bad blogger as of late, but I've been so busy running around and being self important. Vay-cay was excellent, so good in fact that I'm going again -- tomorrow! What does that mean? Another guest blogger to meet. If you know me though, you'll know Patrick. He is an adept of a blogger as he is a snappy dancer, confidant and all around BFF. So until next Tuesday, you got a problem -- I. Don't. Care. Go to P-Diddy and stop your bitching.

I'm feeling a bit basic today and when this happens, I cannot help but think back on the concept of home. Britney has Louisiana, K-Fed has his Dumpster and jumpsuit-clad fam. and I have some crazy kids from Gale Ave. These kids loved me waaaaaaaaay back when I still wore khakis and worshiped bands I wouldn't even mention now. Enjoy their names and my stroll down memory lane.

Bill writes:

Let me think baby names for a double wide white trash couple. Something like Brad or Thunder will probably work. If its a girl most likely Dory Joe Anne or Becky Snaggle Tooth but who knows. God bless Britney and her unborn baby. Although I have a feeling she'll probably miscarry; she can't do without her menthols and tiny airplane bottles of Jack.

The night Bill thought up these names, he also was fortunate enough to attend a Civil War reenactment on his school's quad. If given the opportunity, he'd be handy with a musket.

Alison rambles:

As for a name...all i could think of is my housemate steph's brother's
girlfriend (that was a long one) who has the trashiest name ever: april joy. Keep in mind she was born in april. Any sort of reference to the month/season the baby is born is crucial. Especially if its a girl...

Alison is...well...bored at the moment but just found out she got honors on my comprehensive exams (yay!) which means she will be graduating from Kalamazoo College in the not so near future (june...). She want to be a teacher, someone find her a job!

A'ight. I'm out.

At least she doesn't wear scrunchies, I guess

2005-05-03T08:49:00.000-07:00

Star is reporting this week (in addition to its Photoshopped Brad and Angelina exclusive) that Britney and Justin met secretly and asked, in classic, understated tabloid manner, ***ARE THEY STILL CARRYING A TORCH FOR EACH OTHER?******* (Never mind that the presence of multiple people means more than one torch. But I digress.)

I don't buy this. Brit's too much of a newlywed, and even reputable sources are reporting that Justin's going to get married this weekend.

But hey, what's a tab without a Britney rumor? Let's start the show.

Says Duff, neither Hilary nor Hailey:
I've got it!

For a little boy: Not A Girl Spears
For a little girl: Not Yet A Woman Spears

Duff (otherwise known as Sarah) - roommate to the beautiful Ms. Alison Mizen, girlfriend to Jack Daniels, and soon to be unemployed c/o Kalamazoo College.

There are reasons I'm not godmother material, people

2005-05-02T14:34:00.000-07:00

For those of you who aren't tweens - fake or real - we have a Facebook group, appropriately named Name Brit Brit's Fetus. Join to add your name suggestions or just because you can't stop your urge to join as many Facebook groups as possible.

Onto the order of the day, Scott says:
Not one to be outdone by Gwyneth Paltrow and Apple - and after divorcing Kev two months before the due date - Britney names her evil seed Dyl Pyqle Spears.
However, if she once again turns to the Jewish faith for inspiration in her life and sticks to her guns this time, I predict Koshur Dyl Pyqle Spears.

Scott is Patrick's former roommate in the most literal sense.

You're in my world now, bitches

2005-04-28T08:06:00.000-07:00

And you know what that means? Ripping off our fair GOP leaders, it means nepotism!

But first, as always, some notes:

With her mom, Lynn, and her sister, Jamie Lynn, do we really think Britney's going to go with Lynn? So tired! And how will they keep them all straight? Then again, we're not talking about someone here who has ever made a sensible decision in her life (though dating Justin Timberlake is certainly something I could live with).

No, no, whatever name Brit picks is something that will chafe at the child for the rest of its life; it'll become a cornerstone of lil' Peaches' therapy and the cause of at least one or two rehab stints.

That's why we're here to help our favorite has-been pop princess, whose hair looks more and more like her hillbilly roots every day. Shampoo, Brit. Request some next time you send the pool boy to walk the dog.

But on the opposite end of the spectrum, the fabulously-coiffed Sarah, with whom I share DNA, offers:

I have always been fond of Kiwi! If the child dresses anything like Britney and her skanky husband, let's hope the paparazzi don't take too many pictures. My eyes can't take much more!

Sarah has plenty of kids with normal names and still knows how to throw one back.

Taking the AmEx out for a spin

2005-04-27T17:23:00.000-07:00

I've thought long and hard about how I can tie this carrot slide to something Britney related. I just can't. Readers, surely you are funnier than I'm feeling today! Let me know potential crossover. More importantly, doesn't that kid look like Leif Garrett?

For a mere fifty bones, this slide could be yours. I saw on Vh1 last night that Britney and Kev have been ripping out foilage in their massive backyard for a huge playground to rival Neverland. Er, bad comparison. The kids I on-again, off-again nanny for have this bitching slide. Brit should have it as well.

Short post today -- NO NAMES either. I'm saving that for my lovely guest editor. Whaaaa? Guest editor? So soon? That's right kids, I'm going on vacation. The lovely and far more talented Amy will be taking over. For the next week I'll be in Cleveland and Seattle/Tacoma. Take that blog! I do have a life outside pop culture.

Muwah! Leave some lovin'!

Wassup sluts?

2005-04-26T13:48:00.000-07:00

Hey y'all: I know it's been a long time since I rapped at you, but I've been a busy bee. Apologies! Just so we are all caught up, I propose a round-up of sorts:

1. The happy family has been on vay-cay in Arizona for the past few days. Yawn. Nothing too scandalous ... yet. And by scandalous, I been crotch-grabbing on a hotel room patio. I fear that few things could top that act of chastity. (BTW, Brit, Cher already named a kid that.)

2. A radio station in Ottawa claims to be in possession of The Pregnancy Test and is auctioning it off. <> Bids must be sent to morninghottub AT hot899 DOT com and the minimum bid is $250 Canadian. Check it out here: http://www2.hot899.com/hottub_features_detail.cfm?id=21

3. Tons of entertainment journos have picked up on the "What shall Brit name the kid" fad. Not so shockingly, they have all been reporting that a front runner is Lynn, the Matriarch of the crumbing Spears dynasty. Double yawn. That gets no creativity points whatsoever.

4. I am proposing to create a section dedicated to the modest press Jamie-Lynn has been getting for her new Nickelodeon show. Perhaps she'll grace the pages of Teen People donning high fashion shorts (in satin) and drop hints as to the name. (Also, if you are reading this Jamie -- You never returned my calls! We so were supposed to meet at the pretzel stand near the Hallmark store last week!)

In other news: K-Fed's first baby momma said she wants all the kids to be friends. Like that's happening. Brit slashed the price on her NoHo loft. She also said that her new reality show promises to be "unique." Does that mean we can follow her on trips to Agent Provocateur and the plastic surgeon? That *would* be new!

Peace out, homes. Onto readers like you:

Kate writes:
My premonition is a daughter named Kevney -- a combination of Kevin and Britney. K-Fed's two children with Shar Jackson are Kori and Kaleb, so maybe
they'll keep with the "K" name thing ... sadly.

Guess 2: Chanel. Brit probably thinks it's hip, and that bitch Courteney Cox Arquette already stole Coco.

Guess 3: My husband, a native of Louisville, Ky., predicts something ridiculously Southern ... Betty Sue, Daisy Mae, Bobbie Sue, Daisy Duke, Sammy Jo. Hell, the kid will be the spawn of Britney Jean.

Not a guess but a warning: My husband and I were sitting in the waiting area of IHOP recently, and there was another couple there with their sweet little daughter. I asked the child's name. "Nevaeh," the mom told me. "It's heaven spelled backward." What it is is crap pronounced "Nuh-vay-uh." Don't tell Britney about this name. We don't want to encourage such behavior.

And if it's a boy, I can only hope they'll name him Joe, so we can call him
Shoeless Joe. (What can I say? I'm a baseball fan.) It's better than Stinky,
which is what he'll be called anyway.

As for me, I'm Kate, a copy editor somewhere in the Great Northwest. I'm a newlywed, but I know that Chicken of the Sea is tuna.

Anonymous internet NBBF fan "Hottie Foxx" writes:
Britney's baby names are as follows:

1) Tendesa Alberta

2) Briven Marie

3) Amillia

Tragically, Hottie didn't write her/his sentence. I'm guessing drag queen or pre-teen in Queens who read our Craigslist post.

Quick trip to the store

2005-04-21T11:21:00.000-07:00

Now only if we could find one in K-Fed's size.

Do you think they sell this at Fred Segal? I'll have to check. Until I figure out how to post multiple pictures, this is all you'll get for now. How 'bout some names, fools?

The man universally known as Fontaine writes: I can think only think of the two most redneck names on earth: Junior or Bubba.

Fontaine, our ex-American-African didn't write a sentence, but has suggested NBBF should refer to the momma as "Double-wide" during her last trimester. Consider it done.

Ambiguously named Mingard opted out of names for a Y2K suggestion: I think it would be good to go the route Prince took during his symbol years and just give the kid an emoticon for a name. :P :o :-) etc.

Something like ( o ) ( o ) and (_|_) would be special. if it's twins.

Right on, brother/sister.

Vegas, baby, Vegas

2005-04-19T08:05:00.000-07:00

Until People tells me otherwise, I am going to broadcast that the Spears/Federline tax write-off was conceived in Vegas, as I have read extensively on the net. We all know about Brit's other adventures in Sin City (What is dear old Jason Alexander doing these days anyway? Any good guesses?) but some shady sites in India have reported that K-Fed and Brit have bought property near the Strip. This all comes not so long after the reports of Kev's potential infidelities with a "VIP escort" at hot spot Pure. Kevie, Brit-Brit, Bit-Bit, The Other Children Who Shall Not Be Named all living in such gluttony and debauchery? Why am I so shocked?

Tomorrow will debut the weekly feature "Shopping With Brit's AmEx Black Card." But until then, here are today's names:

Joel's guess: Tulip

According to his high school sophomore English teacher, Joel represents all the good and worth of humanity. (He also writes amazing songs about Sandy Cohen. For reals.)

Colleen thinks:
Every US Weekly / Star / inTOUCH reader worth her salt knows Britney is into Kabbalah. I propose that the baby will be named

Tiferet Spears,

as I discovered after doing some red thread research that Tiferet is one of the Ten Sefirot, or the ten qualities of G-d. It means "glory," but more importantly, it kind of sounds like "Tiffany," which is super cute!

OK, time to go read about Demi Moore's pregnancy rumors!

Colleen is proud to hail from the great state of Louisiana but unfortunately lives nowhere near Kentwood.

Crystal Ballers

2005-04-18T10:55:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Week Two of FetusFest! Perhaps our readership will grow from 5 to 15 this week. And for those few people went sent weekend e-mails, thank you, but this girl doesn't blog on the weekend.

Surely by now you've heard about the ice cream incident, non? Well, if you missed it, check it in my favorite 'loid The Daily News here: http://www.nydailynews.com/04-15-2005/news/gossip/story/300126p-256917c.html

Before we get into today's names, a curious reader posed the question, "Future godmother, what do you see happening in the next three trimesters?" And, I present Six Things That Will Surely Happen By December/January:

1. Momma will ruin lots of perfectly nice maternity wife beaters with toxic Cheeto dust.

2. With swollen feet, Brit will throw out all shoes around the house (errr...hotel), except for all the purple baby Uggs she's been collecting.

3. A super preggers ex-pop star will appear on at least three fashion magazine covers Demi-style. (US Weekly = so doesn't count.)

4. She will hurl an MTV Moonman statue at K-Fed when he makes fun of her newly acquired General Hospital addiction.

5. Brit will realize that morning sickness looks a lot like post-Justin hangovers.

6. I, the faithful godmother, will have a lot less time to obsess about The O.C., the most tragic fate of all.

On to names!

Paige astutely predicts:
Amber - Classic Stripper name for a Stripper's Daughter
Candi - See Above
Stefani - Note the unique spelling, cause she'll want to be Just Like MOM!

(Paige didn't write her sentence, but she maintains a neat blog liesandstatistics.blogspot.com)

Tim writes in to NBBF:
"Baby, if you don't stop crying I'll hit you one more time Spears" - it's a little long, but it's hot.
"Schiavo Spears" - In the circle of life, one ends as another begins.
"Beers Spears" - it's a name that signifies the origin of the child's conception.
"Ooops, I Forgot to Abort Spears" - Mystery solved!

From Tim L., the editor of Comic Foundry, a site far removed from Kabbalah, K-Fed and Kutcher.

2005-04-15T06:47:00.000-07:00

Look at that stomach! But more importantly, how many members of this happy family are actually wearing shoes? Don't let the OJ in her hand go unnoticed. Here's to folic acid.

Short post today, kids. I've got things to do, people to see, onesies to buy for my future godchild. The comments section should now allow all readers to sound off, so get to it!

Emilie writes in: Otto. Whether boy or girl, Otto Federline is so cosmo.

Emilie is several years older than Britney and that probably means she shouldn't take an interest. She only listens to certain Britney songs while running. Unlike BF, this girl always wears shoes in gas station bathrooms. (Ed. note: We'd hope so.)

Rob sez: I'm betting the ranch that Li'l B.S. will be named using a food reference and, although I'd bet the truck Britney has never eaten these lusciously delicious green stalks of life, I'm guessing her baby's name will be Asparagus Spears. My reasoning for this guess is in the definition. Please read on: asáparáaágus Ên. The tender young shoots of a Eurasian plant (Asparagus officinalis), eaten as a vegetable.

Rob S. is a renowned artist and part-time journalist residing down south somewhere near the ocean.

(Ed. note: Yes, another in the same day. *Someone's* getting a big head, but my hours upon hours of internet research show that this has become a favorite among other internet gossips. I guess it'd make Halloween easy for the Federline Fetus.)

Have a great weekend!

Should know better ...

2005-04-14T17:00:00.000-07:00

but I don't.

My fancy journalism degree should teach me not to trust sources such as Team India, Ireland Online and Contactmusic.com, all linked through Google News, but they are all reporting that it's a girl, not yet a woman for Spears & Co. I'm certainly not confirming this, but hey, FYI.

Three names in one day? What lucky readers you are.

Rebecca says: Given Hollywood's penchant for Snapple flavor and/or literary sounding babynames, (see "Apple," "Coco," "Phinneas," "Stella" etc.) I'm going with "Honeydew Christ." It sounds really important like "Soleil Moon Fry."

Rebecca's $160,000 American Studies degree from Carleton College has allowed her to study beauty pageants, Gladiator (the film), bathroom signs, Devo, romance novels, Kill Bill Vol. 1 (the film), prom night, American Pie (the film), septic tanks, Titanic (the film), and most importantly, bulldozers (both in film and non-film form).

Shawn predicts: "Britney and K-Fed will name their child (a girl) Shamiriquay. It will weigh 7 pounds, 5 ounces.This is the future as I have seen it."

Shawn clearly doesn't care about rules because he practically wrote a novel about himself, but that's OK because we Missourah kids adore him ....
I'm graduating in May and after a two-week period of what I'm certain will be intense partying, working at the Sporting News beginning May 31. It's about time I got my damn diploma —I've survived three sports editors (including the infamous, crappy Mark Barnett) and a semester of Saturday nights with "Eyebrows."

And we're off

2005-04-14T13:20:00.000-07:00

Update: Entries are rolling in! We're so popular. Tummy photos will be up shortly, but in the mean time, enjoy the first suggestion. (Let us know what you think in the comments!)

Brian writes: Virginia Slim Spears, think about it...it makes complete sense

Brian S. is a half-assed law student stuck in Iowa, who should be paying attention to Constitutional Law instead of thinking of potential names for babies birthed by pop-stars who have already let themselves go way too much.

Oh, it's on

2005-04-14T11:10:00.000-07:00

My idol Britney Spears has announced that in addition to ruining her career that she is with child by everyone's favorite baby daddy Kevin Federline (known here on out as K-Fed). Because I live for pop culture and have secretly longed to have an internet presence, I have created this blog for you and yours.

Rules: Send in suggested baby names as well as a descriptive sentence about yourself to namebritbritsfetus AT gmail DOT com. In turn, I will post the names and bios in the order I receive them. Check the site often for updates on Brit's bump, unflattering photos and general snarkiness.

If no one correctly guesses the name, my esteemed panel of coeditors (Ms. Amy Fiscus and Mr. Patrick Garvin) and I will vote to find the sassiest of them all. Winner shall receive fame, fortune and whatever eBay prize I deem appropriate.

Please forward this e-mail to Britney fans/foes, loved ones, colleagues, the cute guy at the gym, or whomever else you see fit.

Suggestions? Hate mail? Paypal donations? Send it to: namebritbritsfetus AT gmail DOT com

Kisses!
Hilary

P.S. We here at NBBF would also love to hear what you imagine her food cravings and irrational demands to be like (i.e. needing bigger trucker hats and an industrial-sized bag of Cool Ranch Doritos). Send' em too!

This is a test.

2005-04-13T16:11:00.000-07:00

Biotches.